Diapers

My sweet baby is almost a year old...

Benjamin James Freeman's First Picture

I remember looking at that positive pregnancy test so clearly it's like it happened five minutes ago.  I had SOOO many feelings and emotions in that moment that I didn't even understand yet flow through me.  I was going to be a Mama.  Funny how you can be so excited about that fact and yet have NO idea what exactly that means.  LOL!


That being said, I would like to share something that I have not mastered in this last year.

DIAPERS

Sure, it's easy after a few times.  It's not easy. OK, maybe I am just THAT uncoordinated, but it's just not easy to me.  I mean, I'm not riding the struggle bus so often that the poor kid is wearing his diaper on his head, but I'm definitely not winning any awards for my skills in this area anytime soon.

This problem might go back a bit.  I didn't have much experience in the area of babies before having Ben.  I was the baby in my family, and I didn't babysit much growing up.  Kids were cute and all, but I was just never that interested in them.  I could probably count on one hand how many diapers I had changed.  I remember when my best friend, Ramie, had her little man.  She used to laugh at my clumsy ass attempts at a diaper change.  I'd change his diaper, then look at her and go, "Is that good?".  She'd look at Parker's diaper half hanging off his ass or cutting off the circulation to his junk and say, "Sure??".

When it came time for me to change Ben's diaper for the first time, I was terrified.  First of all, it wasn't under normal circumstances.  Ben was in the NICU and had about 47 wires coming out from his feet, arms, and poor little head.  He was so tiny, and looked so fragile.  I was crying from absolute fear that I was going to hurt him, as well as the insane amount of post-labor hormones surging through me.  After navigating the net of wires around his legs, I got that teeny little diaper open and he immediately began pissing right in my face.  Little bugger.  I know he smiled when he did it, I don't care what anyone says!  I immediately shouted out in an NICU full of sleeping preemies, which went over like a fart in church, and then threw a blanket over his little fountain.  The nurse laughed at us (Mark was unsuccessfully helping me in this endeavor as well), and then took the dirty blanket.  I then put the new diaper under him.  She handed me the diaper cream and I put it on him.  I put enough on him to keep every baby in the NICU diaper rash free for a flipping month.  Poor kid.  The nurse kindly explained that I needed about a hundredth of what I had used on his little bum, and I FINALLY got the new diaper done back up.  The nurse then re-fastened the diaper tabs because I didn't do it tight enough and I began crying.  I was literally thinking, at that moment, "Oh my God they aren't going to let him go home with me!  I am a horrible mother!!!  I don't even know how to change a diaper!".

Well, as you may have figured out, they let us take Ben home anyway.  They let us take him home exactly 7 days after I had him.  Diaper changes have gotten easier, despite the many "accidents" I've had attempting to change them.  I can't count how many times I've been peed on, and I also seem to have gotten crapped on, literally, more times than any other Mama I know.  Ben has an uncanny ability to shit the moment my hand is in key position to receive this gift while wiping his ass from the previous poosplosion.  It only happens to me...

There is something I rock at though...

Diaper Changing Games (May lead to the previous states "accidents")

Why would anyone just change a diaper and not have some fun with it?  With MOST diaper changes, I like to throw in a lot of belly raspberries, peek a boo, tickle time, and the like.  Sometimes we sing some songs, and sometimes we just laugh about the insane amount of poop one little baby can create.  Whatever the case, we have fun.  I'm good at the fun.  I LIKE the fun.  The logistical details of how well that diaper stays on after the raspberries is irrelevant.

So, little Benjamin, I have to tell you.  After a years worth of diaper changes, both good and bad, I gotta say that I wouldn't have it any other way!  If anyone would have told me that somehow getting peed and pooped on just wouldn't matter to me one day, I would have smacked them thinking they'd lost their dang mind.  Today, it's just not that big of a deal.  Shit on me all you want Buddy, as long as I get to make you smile when it's all cleaned up!!  < Add that sentence to the list of things I never thought I say!

My Life is a Rom Com

Laughter is good medicine.  For this reason, I should live to be a thousand and so should anyone that spends a decent amount of time with me.  I say this because I never cease to provide people with LOTS to laugh at me about.

My most recent event that sounds like something out of a comedy happened a few days ago.  Since I, for some reason, like to share my most embarrassing moments with the world, here goes!

Anyone that knows me knows that I have a fascination with Fireman.   However, who doesn't?!?! They are HOT!  No pun intended hehehehehehe!  Not as hot as my husband, OF COURSE, but pretty dang hot! Just saying...  Anyhow, Mark and I have recently purchased a new carseat for the Benjamin. We did a whole lot of research to find the right seat for him knowing that he may indeed be in it and need the support a wee bit longer than others.  After tons of research we finally purchased the La-Z-Boy of carseats.  I mean, this thing is intense.  I'm talking cup holders, airbags, and the ability to hold a child in the 5-point restraint till he or she is 80 lbs!  It will hold them front facing up until 110
lbs!  Like I said, this thing is intense and should be the only carseat we ever have to buy for Benny J.

Installing this new carseat was super easy!  I'm totally kidding.  It was a flipping Rubik's Cube, but I got it.  It took me an hour, but I got it put together and installed.  I'm pretty handy, so I was confident that I did a great job.  Just kidding again.  I am super clumsy and an absolute spaz when it come to stuff like that and I did NOT trust my know-how one bit.  This brings us to the fireman...

Everyone has always said that if you drive to the fire station, they will inspect your carseat for you.  So, I took Benny boy in his new lounger up to the firehouse for an inspection.  I grabbed Benny out of his carseat and walked up with my adorable baby, who was squirming all over the place, to ask for assistance from the nice firemen.  I walked in and there were a group of them sitting there.  One popped up and asked, "How may we help you Ma'am?".  Right after he asked me this question, he quit making eye contact with me.  He was LITERALLY doing anything he could not to look at me.  I asked if they did carseat inspections still with a huge smile, making sure my charm was turned on to full blast, but he would NOT look at me. He mumbled that they no longer did that and asked the other guys where I could go.  They all mumbled something about the hospital, they weren't sure, etc., etc., and NOBODY was looking at me!  How rude!

I finally thanked them for the info and turned to walk back to my car.  This was when I felt a slight breeze go across my chest.  I looked down, and saw it.  My nipple.  Yup, my friends, my NIPPLE!  It seemed that my squirmy baby that has been getting really good at grabbing and pulling lately had successfully pulled my shirt over far enough to show my right boob.  Was I wearing a bra?  Of course! The problem is that I just happened to grab an older bra that morning that doesn't quite fit my post-Benny boobage that well, and a good portion of my nip was hanging out of it.  A good portion of my nip that was out front and center for the Dearborn Firemen to see.  Needless to say, I was mortified.

Yup, this is my life.  You can't make this stuff up my friends.  Don't worry, there are many more horrific, embarrassing moments left that I can share.  Stay tuned.  This is just the tip of the Jamie is a freaking moron saga.  Just the tip, or should I say nip??? Either way, it's just one of many scenes that make up my life.  Hope it made you giggle!

Would I Test for Down Syndrome Again?

One of the first things someone asks me when they find out Ben has Down syndrome is, "Did you know?".  The answer to that is...kind of.  We had a pretty good idea that Ben had Down syndrome based on the results of a newer test called MaterniT21.  The test was 99% accurate, only 9/10th's less than an Amnio, but because it was so new and we had no soft markers on our ultrasounds the doctor's were skeptical.  This is often followed by people with the comment, "I didn't take the test because I didn't care whether he/she had it or not.".

Mark and I are planning on trying for baby #2 soon.  Even though the thought of pregnancy, which I originally thought was going to be sunshine and rainbows, makes me want to crawl into a deep, dark hole, I am excited for the idea of this!  My pregnancy with Ben was pretty stressful.  There were a lot of life changes I was adjusting too, a new house to move into, a newer job I was still getting used to, and the at the time ominous thought that my baby might have DS and the multitude of doctor appointments that go with that.  With all that behind me, I am hoping this pregnancy is a little different.  However, with the thought of getting pregnant as well as the knowledge that having another baby with Down syndrome is very possible at my age, the question of "Would I test for Down syndrome again?" keeps haunting my thoughts.

There was a story I read today in one of the Down syndrome forums that really brought things home for me on this topic.  This mama had given birth to her beautiful baby boy just six weeks ago in her small, hometown hospital.  Her little boy, unbeknownst to her, had a little extra in the form of an additional 21st chromosome.  He also, much like many of Benny's chromosomal brothers and sisters, had a lot of the health problems at birth that are associated with Down syndrome.  Her little boy wasn't doing so well and needed to be instantly transported to a larger, more equipped hospital.  He had a rough go of it, and almost didn't make it needing to be intubated on the way.  This breaks my heart.  I cry just typing it now.  I thank God that this little fighter made it and I am happy to say he is doing amazing!  There have been a lot of losses of beautiful babies in the Down syndrome community lately, which have been affecting me to a greater extent than I would have ever thought.  I cry for all these babies, and I celebrate the ones that make it just as strongly.

My delivery with Benny was stressful, but we were prepared.  I was aware of all of the problems associated with giving birth to a baby with Down syndrome.  I was prepared for all the potential health risks Benny could experience upon birth.  My doctors were prepared.  The hospital I chose to give birth in, with a reputable NICU, was prepared.  We were prepared, and when they did indeed take Benny down to that NICU it was still hard.  It was hard, but not as hard as the horrific outcome if we wouldn't have been prepared.

Another thing I was prepared for was the fact that my world was potentially about to change.  I have read so many blogs from so many amazing Mamas and Daddies about the grief and loss they felt upon the birth of their beautiful children.  Upon the arrival of their little loves, they experienced a grieving for the child they thought they were having as opposed to being able to celebrate the child they have.  I understand this all too well.  I, too, went through this same grieving process.  The difference was that I was still pregnant when I went through it.  When the doctor, moments after I gave birth, confirmed that Benjamin had Down syndrome, I was just relieved that I finally knew.  I had already gone through my grieving, my bargaining, and all my tears.  I was prepared mentally for the arrival of my beautiful little man, and I couldn't have been happier.

When I think about all of this, I know my answer.  I will test.  I will take the in-evasive MaterniT21 blood test again to test whether or not my baby has Down syndrome.  It's not because I "care" whether or not he/she would have it.  It's not because I would contemplate my choice of whether or not to have my baby.  It is simply because I want to do what's best for my baby.  I want to have everything prepared, including my head, to the best of my ability.

So, friends, there's my answer if anyone cares.  Yes, I will test again.  If my baby does have that extra chromosome of cuteness just like his/her older brother, then I will rejoice in the fact that God has blessed me again.  And...I will be prepared.

The answer might be different for you, and that's ok too. xoxo